NFL Wrap Up

Is it true that Shawne Merriman sent Jason Taylor a box of popcorn so he has something to munch on when he is watching the playoffs?

No need to send Eli any popcorn - he just got wasted all weekend… ‘thug life’ is the kicker

Is it true Shockey said he wants to play for the Eagles during the game? Ok, so maybe Sheldon had been hit a little hard, it is a nice concept.

How about Ted Ginn Jr…he got hurt during a TD celebration….. is there a Gus Ferotte award….  By the way Ginn, Pittman & Gonzalez all headed to the NFL…. I hope they like Germany b/c they look like NFL Europe prospects if there ever was one….

Jason Kidd is a walking triple double, but now filing for a restraining order as an ‘abused spouse’… nice…..

Did Bob Ryan write a column about this…. you know she’s roping Dick Jefferson now…

This weekends games just sucked….

Ravens v. Colts –

How bad was McNair…..he looked like the guy who got cut by the Titans and not the guy who got the Ravs to the playoffs.  What will they do next…Boller… looks like the Ravs had their one hit wonder…..

The Colts D is now all of the sudden good..is Sanders that good…  Basically this was just a boring game and it sucks the Colts will get a shot at the title….  Here is to a gigantic wish they choke…

Somebody has to keep up with A-Stock’s Jenn Sterger crush…

Eagles – Saints…

Is it me or did the eagles dominate this game – just run out of gas on D late… the fact that Bush tried his best to have something in common with Romo at the pro-bowl and the Eagles couldn’t even capitalize it sucked….
Sean Payton is a good coach, the Saints are a good story – but the Birds still should have won this game.  Big Andy not going for it on fourth down was a little strange – especially after they got the prior 4^th and 10 before the penalty was called and we all know about 4^th and 26… I think he should have gone for it, but he is an accomplished NFL coach…I am still some meathead who would coach using the same logic you did in Madden ’06….

In a side note – Trotter’s jock is still somewhere on the eight yard line..and who knew Deuce has been picking up moves from Reggie Handout all year…. As fifty said during this tilt – imagine Deuce as a Steeler… now there is a reason to do the Light’s Out dance…

I liked Garcia’s run - his tears after the game pretty much solidified he will ask Philly for too much cash and be gone, but I would like to see him stay… he has less ass injuries than AJ Feely - well maybe not…. 

Playoffs?  Playoffs?  Whaddya mean Playoffs?

WHO CARES BOWL….

The Seattle Seahawks played pretty well….they were exciting against the Cowboys and Bears – but they are just so damn tough to watch…..  The Bears – also extremely tough to watch -  made this a nightmare of a game to sit thru – I would rather watch Michele Wie give Brett Favre a lapdance…honestly wouldn’t that be a howl….

It was an exciting end of the game, I am quasi pumped up for Rex Grossman – dude has taken a beating for thinking more about his vip invite to Tank Johnson’s crib on NYE than the game against the packers – but he has got a team to 13-3 now 14-3 …so how can you be that down on him……

TO made other plans for the divisional weekend…well since Joumana turned him down… his bounce passes aren’t very good…. Melyssa Ford - isn’t she out of Two’s league?

HAVE THE PATRIOTS MADE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL…..?

First the headbut to keep a drive alive - then the 4^th down interception (which knocking it down will now be coached relentlessly) that got fumbled and kept the drive alive…

And then Tommy Ballgame did his thing to put the Pats in the title game… the challenge will go down in history and we will all hear how it cost them the timeout and ultimately the game – but in that moment I thought the same thing – I would have challenged he didn’t make a football move…. You were hoping for an incompleteion and at the time you had 3 timeouts…. The thing that cost them overtime was the headbut, the fumble and the fact that nate keading can’t make a critical field goal to save his life…

And since marty is getting fired because of this…I decided to blame the whole thing on Nate kaeding – the dude looks like an extra in a Hanson video – he wore 95 in college and was a 108 lb kicker and he just misses big kicks (see Jets Playoff  game in ’05) – he is a weasel and a dork and he may have cost marty ball his job….

“I’m  adork” - “Nah - I’m a choker”

What the hell was that about after the game – LT – you lost dude – so what if they are doing the Shawne dance – shouldn’t you really be angry even when shawne does that ridiculous dance…. Basically your little wanna fight tirade was dumb – but the quote calling belichick out for not having class was classic….nice work…

No class….well that is debatable – but cutting the sleeves on the sweatshirt is ridiculous…

Jemarcus Russel should not be the first pick – he will be marginal at best….

Nick Saban is a squid – but he will be good at Alabama…I called  Saban a knitwit at least three months ago - so this is waffling - but he is better in collge (you can cheat there…sshhhhh)….

By the way - who is still the champ…notice I said champ…

Can I just be a Reds fan…..

Do you have David Beckham fever?  Can we return to sender?  If he was good wouldn’t he still be in Europe?

Later

Arguably professional football’s finest weekend, the divisional round of the playoffs provides quality matchups without all of the fluff. You have the 8 best teams in football ready to square off and it has me pretty excited to post up in front of the tv this weekend and take it all in. Here are some random thoughts, observations, and comments about the current goings on.

The Cowboys f-ed up last weekend and lost to Seattle. As my friend Wes would say, “Tony Romo has to feel like the sickest man in America right now folks!” which might be accurate when you see all the replays of him crouched on the field with the holocaust face. Here’s the thing, I don’t feel sorry for Tony Romo. I really don’t. If you consider that the second he was named the starter he’s dating girls like Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood it is kind of hard to feel sorry for any NFL starting Q. The person we should really feel sorry for is Drew Bledsoe who, upon his demotion to 2nd string, probably went from dating models and actresses to dating escorts and the girl who played Rudy Huxtible on the Cosby show. The point is that I had my suspicions about Dallas all year and was slow to break out the anointing oil even though they beat the Bucs on Thanksgiving. I don’t care if Parcells retires or not although his press conferences are a constant source of inspiration for me personally. I don’t really care about TO although if they cut him it begs the question: Who wants him? I feel like the number of teams interested in his services dwindles every offseason. I think the really interesting part about the cowboys is whether or not Romo will become their identity or if he is going to pull a Rex Grossman and play like he’s drunk every other week.

Speaking of Grossman, he is probably the player in these playoffs with the most to lose. He has an excellent team around him but if he cannot keep from turning the ball over he could find himself dating Drew Bledsoe’s future ex-girlfriends and holding a clipboard on Sundays. Did you see the shots of Lovie in the stands at the Chiefs-Colts game? For some reason that was high comedy to me… they can’t even find a spot in a luxury box for the guy apparently. I imagined Dungy saying something to him like “Hey Lov… I don’t quite have the same pull up here as I did in Tampa but I managed to get you a pair in section 435. Only one of the seats has an obstructed view. And don’t worry about the money… these are my treat.” But regardless of where Coach Smith has to sit when attending NFL games he is not coaching, I have a feeling Lovie will be watching the Super Bowl from his recliner in Lake Forrest, Ill instead of the sidelines in Miami. I like the Seahawks to go 4 wide and run up the score a bit… Seattle 30 Chicago 17.

Have you ever seen a team perform as poorly as the Chiefs did in the first half against the Colts? I think even the Raiders offense would have been embarrassed by a performance like that. Indy’s “soft” run defense was mimicking the steel curtain and even though Ty Law kept intercepting Manning, all Trent Green could provide was a buffet of three and outs that had me nauseous even though I am not a Chiefs fan. I think the Ravs give it to Manning and Co. this weekend despite A Stock’s 35 point claim. But then again, I thought the movie “Teen Wolf” was based on a true story so don’t invest too much in my fearless predictions.

It is cruel of me to even suggest this but one scenario I have imagined in my head recently is Garcia leading the Birds to an NFC title game. Every sports fan in Philly will be pensively optimistic and they will start saying things like “if we can get 100 yards and a touch out of Westbrook we can win this game!” or maybe “if our defense can shut down player X, we might be able to pull out a win!”. One of the more public fanatics like Angelo at WIP610 will start the “Why Not Us” campaign and then the whole city will be put on suicide watch when they lose another NFC championship. I imagine myself at Tampadelphia in all Bears/Seahawks gear looking smug and asking them how the Flyers and Sixers playoff hopes are looking. But the sad part is that the Eagles won’t beat the Saints this weekend and I am confident about that. So while the thought of continuing my feud with Philly and their “crazy” fans is appealing, I will have to wait till later to fully realize the moment. New Orleans 31 Philly 21… But from what I’ve said so far, that means that the Saints and Seahawks are going to play each other in the NFC title game. As for the AFC…

The Chargers – Pats game might be the best game of the year. I love a lot of the variables… let’s consider:

LTD might be the greatest football player ever.
Tom Brady might be the greatest postseason football player ever.
New England has lots of UF receivers.
San Diego has a basically a rookie QB.
Shawne Merriman is likely to commit on-field murder in a roid rage incident.
Bill Belichik is such an intense coach he tosses reporters aside like 8 year olds.
Marty Schottenheimer has a history of tightening up in big games.
San Diego hasn’t lost at home this season.

All of these things make for interesting football and while the in-studio hosts at the FOX, ESPN, and NBC pregame shows will absolutely run a lot of these topics into the ground, I have a feeling the game will still be outstanding. My prediction? New England 28 San Diego 23.

Oh yeah… and I said earlier I thought the Rav’s would beat down the Colts and Manning would be shown stomping his feet on the sidelines. Score for that one? Maybe take the under here… how about Baltimore 19 Indy 13.

To compete with A-Stock’s growing popularity as an NFL opinionist, I feel pressure to add some eye candy to the mix. If he keeps going at his current rate we will be able to sell month subscriptions and unlimited downloads to this blog. Anyway, my vote for the “NFL Wrapup Dance Squad All Stars” goes to Katherine from the Miami Heat. Get those votes in!

I’m out like Tiki….

50

It’s Jim Mora season everyone. In other words, the post-season also known as the PLAYOFFS !!! Check it out below.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qwq7BYOnDrM&mode=related&search=

Here’s what we know:

a) Dallas is a total mystery. Did they just decide to tune Parcells out? Is TO such a detriment to the team that they just want the season to end? Will Jerry Jones bury some current coaches and players under the new stadium? I don’t know the answers, but this is clearly an intriguing mystery that will unravel in the offseason.

b) Giants - They suck. Now, Coughlin just got an extension, Barber is going to retire, Eli needs a hug and Shockey wants out and a tall drink. What a mess they are. Good luck next year. I don’t see it being ANY better.

c) E A G L E S. Wow. Jeff Garcia a savior? Who’d a thunk it. They are playing arguably the best football in the NFC right now and it is NOT unreasonable to think they can’t get to the NFC championship if not make it to the Super Bowl. Incredible. It’s not everyday a Cowboys fan gives the Eagles props, but I’m giving it. Well played Philly.

d) Seattle the clock is ticking. You are mediocre in every facet of the game. Your running game can’t get on track, Hasslebeck is struggling, Stevens can’t catch a ball (still) and your defense gets lit up like Time Square routinely. Hear that? It’s your opportunity window closing.

NFC #2) New Orleans. Here’s the deal. Can you consistently run the football? You are going to have to to get by the Bears. It’ll set up play action and free up your receivers. More importantly your WR/TE. Here’s the other question. Can you play playoff level defense. This is really the determing factor in how far they go. If you can’t and rely on Reggie Bush trick plays, you’ll be the Cinderella story that ended tragically. Time to sack up fellas.

NFC #1) Only one real question here. Which Grossman shows up? The cocky Steve Spurrier disciple or the guy who looks like I would if I were to play this weekend? Honestly. Sometimes he looks like Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap when he enters a new body and has no idea of what is taking place in his surroundings. I actually think he is one of the hidden cyborg players in the league that has a defective chip and faulty software, but the league can’t just scrap the player because the public would be suspicious. Wow. Sorry. I went off on a little conspiracy tangent. The point is if he sucks, they’re whole season goes down the drain with only him to blame.

Ok. How about the AFC? Oh I don’t know. Truthfully you can make solid arguments why or why not San Diego, Balt., New England or Indy could win. Seriously. All of them are that good and claerly better than ANY team in the NFC. So, having said all that, here’s my prediction. New England upsets the Chargers, Indy puts up 35 in Balt. ( that’s right, I said it ) and New England once again beats Manning in Indy to go to the Super Bowl. Manning then decides he’s had enough football and takes over Subway commercials for Jared.

So, that’s it. Patriots in the Super Bowl with one of the bastard sons of the NFC. Let’s see what shakes out. Stay tuned for my NBA All-Star Dance Team selection. Post your votes for the starting five and check out the entire team next week. Here’s a place to check out said talent. Personally, I feel Sarah for the Knicks needs to be on my starting five.

http://www.nba.com/allstar2007/dance/mia.html

Papa Midnight

With the 2006 NFL season drawing to a close, I have come to several conclusions:

1. Vegas made lots of money this year.
2. LaDanian Tomlinson is pretty good at playing football.
3. DeAngelo Williams is a better NFL quarterback than Aaron Brooks.
4. Mike Vick is still learning the West Coast offense.
5. It is a big deal to have a good backup quarterback.
6. 2/3’s of NFL teams are in “rebuilding mode” right now.
7. A couple of the NFC rebuilders will make the playoffs.

Maurice Jones-Drew and Marquis Colston had a bigger fantasy impact than Tiki Barber and Hines Ward. These are things I like to point out only because every year at my fantasy draft someone is complaining about their draft position and how they got screwed by getting the 9th pick. There were a few cats this year who weren’t on anyone’s preseason radar that came up big. Whether it be Vince Young doing what he does in Nashville or the fact that guys like Frank Gore, Devery Henderson, and Tony (put away the annoiting oil) Romo were all solid fantasy contributors, you had a lot of chances to salvage your season in the waiver pool. I didn’t win any leagues this year but I will be back for more punishment and humiliation next year. Also, I can now revert back to being an unbiased football fan now which is nice.

Speaking of Tony Romo, this blog: http://www.tonyhomo.com is allegedly written by Drew Bledsoe and usually makes me laugh out loud when I read it. Worth a look…

Anyone care to guess which coach is fired first?
Here are the favorites:
Denny Green, Tom Coughlin, Art Shell, Jim Mora Jr., Joe Gibbs, Jon Gruden.

Week 17 is always weird because some teams with nothing to play for will screw around and just try to get out of the game without anyone getting injured. Always makes for fun teaser action when you look at who has the least to play for. For instance, the Bucs host the Seahawks on Sunday and both teams probably want to lose that game. The means little to either team since the Seahawks clinched their division and should host a wild card game regardless of what else happens. The Bucs on the other hand have to consider the fact that a win could be the difference between picking 3rd and picking 6th or 7th so you’d have to figure it would be advantageous for them to lose. Who wants it less fellas? I would choose Seattle here because not only are their 2nd stringers probably superior to ours, they don’t care about the outcome while the Bucs would prefer to lose.

But honestly, I am wasting my breath speculating about this week. Real gamblers are waiting for the playoffs so this week is sort of like preseason anyway. (note… I am not implying that I am a real gambler or that my advice is taken by real gamblers, just pointing out the absurdity that is week 17.) My plan is to eat and drink myself into a coma this weekend watching bowl games and coming back at you with the nflwrapup playoff preview next week. Stay tuned and Happy New Year everybody…

-50

Is LaDanian the best ever? I am thinking that he might be. He never seems to get hurt. He can literally do everything from blocking to throwing TD passes to lining up in the slot and that is only impressive when you consider his best skill is running the ball between the tackles. Every year, it seems like he is among the top players at his position and until this year, he never seemed to get the respect he deserved. While the Chargers were deconstructing the Broncos and Jay Cutler yesterday, I wondered a few things:

1. I wonder if Shawne Merriman is as scary in person as he seems on TV?
2. Is there a connection between Jake Plummer having the best year of his career last year and him growing out his hair to resemble the Gieco caveman? It seems like moustached Jake is a way better player than clean cut Jake.

3. Have defensive coordinators resigned themselves to the fact that LDT is going to score a minimum of two times per game and just focus their attention on stopping Gates, Rivers, McCardell, and others?
4. The Chargers are pretty much the best team in football right now. I have a feeling they will be playing in the super bowl.

I was excited to see Jacksonville get all up in Indy’s ass yesterday. That Colts D is terrible and it is funny when teams have such a glaring, obvious weakness that even morons like me could call plays to beat them. For some reason, the Colts wilting every December/January has become one of my favorite annual traditions. My ideal scenario for how Indy’s 2006 season ends goes something like this:

They go to Baltimore for the divisional round of the playoffs. Jamal Lewis rushes for roughly 200 yards and declares this is the best he’s felt since he got released from prison. The Ravens D terrorizes Manning and he throws 3 picks and is sacked half a dozen times. Afterwards, (and just like last year) he throws his o-line under the proverbial bus claiming the reason they lost was because they had “protection problems”. His linemen take exception to this and allow him to get sacked numerous times in the pro bowl. I wouldn’t call any of that far fetched…. And it will make football fun for me for a little while so let’s hope it happens.

Dallas got worked silly yesterday and you can explain that easily and completely by looking at how much hype Tony Romo has gotten lately. The people of Dallas have all but anointed him their personal savior. Do you mean to tell me that he is better than Aikman because he beat the Bucs? Let’s not get carried away here folks. Even if he is dating the less attractive of the two Simpson sisters, he has never won a playoff game, never had to bring his team back from behind on the road, etc. I have a feeling Dallas hangs on to win the division but gets beaten by a team like Atlanta or the Giants in the wildcard round. And I also have a feeling Bill Parcells is purposely messing with fantasy football players everywhere by giving Julius Jones 4 carries one week then letting him run wild the next. Bill, Marion Barber III, and Julius J. can all kiss my ass.

I am not implying that football is fixed but a San Diego – New Orleans super bowl matchup would leave me very suspicious. Think about it…. Drew Brees back to get revenge on the team that released him. The Saints winning the super bowl for the city of New Orleans and all of the hurricane Katrina victims. The fantastic yet humble LTD willing his team to a championship. It is all too storybook… and also completely possible. So you conspiracy theorists out there… stay tuned.

I cant figure out why Vonage hasn’t talked to Joey Harrington’s agent about making him the next geek in their commercials. Joey hasn’t been too bad as a Dolphin so far and that makes you wonder if the team will pay Dante to hold the clipboard next year. Shutting out the Pats at home was impressive and they haven’t seemed to miss Ronnie Brown too much. I still don’t see the Dolphins making the playoffs and when you consider that they are 5-1 in their last 6, that makes you wonder how good they really are. My guess is just good enough to miss out on wild card spot but as you all know, I have been wrong before.

Weird fact: Minnesota leads the league in rushing defense by a pretty sizeable margain.
Weird fact #2: Oakland leads the league in pass defense.
Weird fact #3: Bills linebacker London Fletcher recently changed his name to London Fletcher-Baker. With apologies to Maurice Jones-Drew, I thought only women hyphenated their last names?
Weird fact #4: The Bucs went from winning the rumored “tough” NFC South division to being arguably the worst team in football.
Weird fact #5: The Saints now lead the NFC-S and are 8-1 against the NFC.
Weird fact #6: NFL coaches are 3-1 when wearing suits on the sidelines this season.
Weird fact #7: DelRio and Mike Nolan have twice worn suits on the same weeks. Is it possible they call each other on Saturdays to coordinate their outfits?

Chris Weinke: Heisman winner. I am as confused as you are. Get this…. He threw it 61 times yesterday and completed 34 of them. He had 423 yards passing. DeShaun Foster had 8 carries for 21 yards. Wouldn’t a team starting the 2nd string QB try to establish the run? One would think so. But apparently they let Weinke prepare for his inevitable arena league career by heaving it all over the field and subsequently losing the game. Carolina might be the weirdest team in football. I never know what to think of them when it comes time to do my picks. I think their reputation as a good team might be giving them more credit than they deserve.

Vince Young’s stats yesterday: 19-29, 218 yards, 1 interception, 86 yards rushing, 1 game winning TD run in OT.

Mario Williams stats yesterday: 2 tackles.
I wonder what is going through the minds of Texans fans lately. Hang in there guys…

Another Bengal got arrested over the weekend… but all the jokes about that have already been made. I’ll move on.

Can Jeff Garcia get the Eagles into the playoffs? I am not sure but he hasn’t been terrible. All I can say is that I would hate to be the Bears or Saints and play them in the first round. This is assuming of course they can beat the Giants and Cowboys on the road and the Falcons at home to close out the season. Hate to say it Deitz but I think the Birds are cooked…..

The two headed QB monster of Gradkowski and Rattay looked shell shocked and clueless yesterday against the Falcons. Grad-tay ended up 22-37 for 204 yards (hello screen pass…) and one fumble returned for a TD. My favorite stat of the day? Cadillac’s 2.4 yards per carry? Nope. Holding Vick to 5 yards rushing? Nope. The best part about yesterday was Josh Bidwell (our season MVP) and his 45.5 yard punting average. When times are tough you have to look for positives and at least we’ve got a good punter. There… I said it. Now watch us trade our first round pick for Drew Bledsoe in the offseason just to continue this nightmare well into 2009. Come on Bucs! Get it together!

I am not much of a baseball guy but I noticed that the Red Sox recently signed outfielder JD Drew to a huge contract. This was considered a suspicious decision by analysts and talent evaluators around the league and many of Drew’s ex-coaches and teammates openly questioned his heart and drive. I bring this up only for one reason: I liken the Red Sox situation to that of Jon Gruden and Bruce Allen. After the Buccaneers won the Super Bowl in 2002, the team made many curious moves that we are still paying for to this day. But the attitude of the guys in charge was such that they could do no wrong and they had their championship rings to prove to everyone how smart they were/are. So even if you think it is a horrible idea to sign gimpy Charlie Garner to a huge contract while letting Thomas Jones leave for nothing, well you are wrong. And even if you think it would be stupid to use 90% of your draft picks on offense when you defense is aging quickly well you’d be wrong again. There are countless other examples of their buffoonery. But I think the reason why guys like Gruden are still employed all goes back to that super bowl. Sure, he won the division last year but look at the status of the team this year. The team is mashed against the salary cap and probably the worst team in football. Yet a 5 year old championship acts as the ultimate job security blanket. I start to wonder if time is running out on Chuckie and Bruce. How much credit do they deserve for winning a super bowl with someone else’s team?

Back with more next week…

Apparently, the NFL is employing the same marketing techniques as Sony in terms of creating buzz about it’s product. For instance, how many news stories have you heard about people stabbing one another over the chance to pay 600 dollars for a PS3? What better promotional advertising campaign could you ask for than to have the nightly news report stories on people who need PS3’s so badly they are willing to attempt murder to get one? Don’t think this isn’t deliberate… they intend to release the product right before Christmas when people are generally the looniest anyway. Then, they send only a fraction of the amount of product that would satisfy natural demand creating PS3 “shortages” everywhere. Idiots are camping in best buy parking lots. TV crews are going live to field reporters covering the mass hysteria. Violence ensues. Sony realizes the dire situation in the US and sends an “emergency” shipment of 450,000 PS3’s stateside hoping to restore peace and order. (19 million people live in New York City… 450,000 PS3’s amount to maybe one extra unit per retailer in the major markets.) It is a calculated an well executed plan. The NFL has taken notice.

I understand the fact that cable companies are refusing to pay the NFL so much for their network. When live games aren’t on, there aren’t a lot of reasons to tune in. Granted, Stockton and I did watch 3 consecutive hours of combine action in March when I was out in Denver for a visit but there wasn’t much else on. The point is that the league is making a mistake broadcasting games ONLY on this network. Not enough people have it. As of yet, I have not had to stand at the crossroads between boycotting the NFL network and not watching the Bucs play and I am not sure how I will react if it happens. Part of me wants to think I would swallow my pride, head to the bar, and watch the Buckos anyway. The other part thinks I should stay home, crack open a cold beer, and tune into Gene Deckerhoff on A.M. radio. We’ll see what happens when we get there.

Since only about 600 households got to watch the televised football competition last night between the Ravens and Bengals, I thought I would re-cap a bit of it here. Cincy won with the key play being a flea flicker caught by Mr. TJ Houshmandzadeh. Apparently TJ has been trash talking the Ravens about how the Bengals are better than the Ravens or something to that effect. It rained most of the game yet neither running back got much going. Neither team turned the ball over. Both kickers missed a field goal. Actually, this was a pretty boring game… even more so when you tune into it using ESPN gamecast like I did. Hopefully the action is better Sunday. I am going to south Florida for the Jags-Fins game at Joe Robbie. Also, the Bucs go on the road to Pittsburgh so I will have to hear it from Wes, Lesso, Deitz, and all of my other Steeler friends if the Bucs go up there and crap the bed. Good times.

I will leave you with some picks. Granted, the NFL has been a house of horrors in terms of gambling this year so much so that I have resigned myself to not place another bet until the playoffs start. So I will take a stab at it this week with no money on the line and that probably means I will go 15 for 15. Here goes…

St Louis (-6.5) over Arizona
Atlanta (+1) over Washington
Detroit (+13.5) over New England
Indianapolis (-7.5) over Tennessee
Kansas City (-5) over Cleveland
Minnesota (+9) over Chicago
Green Bay (pick) over NY Jets
San Diego (-6) over Buffalo
San Fransisco (+7) over New Orleans
Miami (pick) over Jacksonville
Houston (+3) over Oakland
Dallas (-4) over NY Giants
Tampa Bay (+7.5) over Pittsburgh
Seattle (+4) over Denver (a qb getting his first start is giving 4 the the super bowl runner up?)
Carolina (-3) over Philly

Good luck gamblers. See you next week.

Yup. It is dark in here. Thank god reliable writers like Deitz and 50 are around to shed a little light on things. Do I sound like Gary Busey, what the F is going on? I apologize for my abscence. Jet - setting all over the country has taken me away from my priorities. However, it has given me a great deal of reflection time and some observations have been made that I feel inclined to share with everyone. here we go.

A) I love Vegas. No, seriously. Granted I didn’t lose eleventy gazillion dollars, but there are some things they are doing that the rest of the country should mimick. The most obvious, sports books. Now we didn’t hit a single parlay while out there. Not even a teaser, however, it adds spice to otherwise meaningless games. Fantasy football does this as well, but the possibility of pullin’ in a few hundo as well as a “Hurray for me” chant, really makes sporting events as delicious as a $7 milk shake.

They also provide tons of sports info for your betting needs. Odds and spreads fluctuate and actually have you processing information 5x greater than at any point of your work day.

Naughty little waitresses hoping to hit it big in Sin City are constantly offering you drinks. That’s nice. It’s like a 50’s sitcom where the wife stays at home and has a meal cooking as soon as you walk thru the door. Whenever this happens, I immediately develop an unwarranted “King of the Castle” personnality and start feeling like Prince Akeem. “Wipers”!!!

However, there are some downsides. For example, the fact that the Maloofs own The Palms doesn’t influence betting. NBA games have the same accessibility whether you bet at The Palms or at The Gold Rush. It is a really stupid rule. It’s like being in high school and your parents say ” no girls over to the house while we’re gone”. Ok. We’ll just get down elsewhere. It doesn’t prevent the behavior, it just alters the venue. Very retarded. All and all though, more ciites should be allowed to have casinos to do the things everyone in the country partakes in anyway.

B) How about them Deacons of Wake Forest!!!! 10-2 and going to the ACC championship?? Are you kidding me? This is, needless to say, very exciting to me. However, it is also an excellent example of what a bizzaro football season we are watching. Collegiately, Rutgers, Boise State, Wake Forest, Maryland, South Florida and Arkansas all have 8+ wins and are beating “powerhouses”? Wow. Louisville, West Virginia, Arkansas and Rutgers were all in the top ten at some point. Miami, Florida State, Georgia and Iowa are not even ranked? How about Wisconsin? They are 11-1 and NOBODY is talking about them. Granted, their schedule wasn’t the toughest, but 11-1 has to at least be talked about coming out of the Big Ten. I can’t figure this stuff out. Let’s move on to the NFL.

C) Wait. This is all screwy too! The Saints lead the NFC South? San Francisco is in second in the NFC West with a 5-5 record? They have one of the top rushers in the NFL? Pittsburgh is below .500 and their defense isn’t very good? Ocho Cinco doesn’t do Endzone celebrations anymore? What the hell is going on out there?? I don’t get it. You know what, who am I kidding. I love it. This is one of the reasons we watch football more than any other sport. It is the least predictable. Parody reigns supreme. If big dollars poison sports, football’s unpredictability is clearly the antidote. It is a constant crap shoot, pardon the pun, every sunday.

How about them Cowboys!?!?! I think I have a Deitz-like man crush on Tony Romo. J. Simpson may have the inside track on me, but that’s cool. I’ll admire from afar. Dallas’ offense is so much more diverse with him at the helm. Defenses can not just blitz Dallas and put the same pressure on Romo, like they did Bledsoe. Stop the running game? Ok. Fine, that leaves Owens, Glenn, Crayton, Witten and Fasano open. Shut down T. Owens? Fine. You have Jones and Barber rotated in, so you constantly have fresh legs and two different styles of runners to contend with. Play cover two and cover any backs coming out of the backfield? Then, Romo just takes off for the first down. This is the best Dallas team I’ve seen since the ‘95 super bowl team. Will they get to the super bowl this year? It all depends on two things. 1) Not turning the ball over and 2) the secondary not getting torched for big plays. We’ll see. I even saw Parcells smile a couple times. That’s gotta be good sign.
( side note: I still HATE cheering for TO and I actually feel an injustice has taken place. The fact that D. McNabb has a torn ACL and The Player is on a potential playoff team seems incredibly wrong. Believe me, I feel NO remorse for Philly fans. Actually, I think their frustration is absolutely delicious!!! However, for McNabb, I do feel that he has received the dark side of karma that was intended for Owens. Keep your head up playboy, Owens time is coming. I just hope it’s after he’s finished playing for Dallas.)

How about the Mile High squad? well, everyone here is talking about Jake Plummer’s future. Well, wait no longer. My telepathic abilites have provided me with insight into this situation. This time next year Plummer will be on Dancing with the Stars. Moreover, he will be kicked off the show before it airs after he is accused of slugging his dance partner after she asked him why he is having trouble with his “timing”. He will then bounce around the gameshow circuit starting with Show me the Money, Deal or No Deal and The Biggest Loser. ( He figures out at the audition that this show actually refers to Loser as Weight loss. He’ll stay on anyway.)

As for this season. Mark it down. He’s done. Cutler was the #1 player on their draft board, Shennanigans loves him and Plummer caught word that a little red laser was in his ear on the last drive against San Diego. This all may sound a little harsh, but every statement is actually true.

Normally, by now I would have inserted my obligatory photo of Jenn Sterger, a random shot of a fat kid getting a monkey beatdown and photo of a pimped out ‘76 DeVille. However, I am an idiot and am completely befuddled as how to post pictures. I will give it one more attempt before I finish. Hopefully, we will at least get one good photo in.

Alright, just in the nick of time. Today’s 6 game predictions: Why 6? It’s my number bitch.

Balt. Vs. Pitts. - Pitts (crazy, I know. But it’s for deitz’ sanity)

Cincy Vs. Cleve. - Cincy

Atl. Vs. Nawlins - Nawlins

Car. Vs. Wash. - Wash!!!!! ( how ’bout them apples)

Chi. Vs. NE - Chi. ( everyone’s picking NE. )

Monday Night

Seattle Vs. GB - Seattle wins LARGE.

The above picture is ri - god damn - diculous!! Trust.

Ok kids, we’ll see what shakes out. I’ll try to stay on top of things from here on out. I’m still waiting on Rhett to chime in, but perhaps he’s better suited to be a sideline reporter like Goose. By the way, how much do I love that Dr. J shot that was put in a while back? Classic. I’m all giddy right now.

Papa Midnight

Shoot man. I’ve been taking plays off like Randy Moss. Lucky for me Deitz has been picking up the slack and offering thoughts on everything from who Romo is dating to what’s cracking at Tampa area IHOPs while posting pictures of hot babes to boot. Maybe we should change the name of this website to “Deitzer’s World” although I have a feeling one can handle only so many Jerome Bettis updates. Anyway, you know things are bad when the Bucs play on Monday night and I can’t even offer any commentary on it. Well after the big win yesterday against Gibbs Incorporated, I am back with a few things to beef about. In no particular order, here are the things I think about the week in sports.

McNabb – Out for the season.

What does this mean for Eagles fans? Well for one, the playoffs are now something you will have to forget about. Also try to forget that Jeff Garcia will be starting for probably the next two seasons and no matter how you analyze that, it isn’t great news. I hate to be someone who enjoys the misfortune of others but I find this ACL injury sweeter than most. I was up at Tampadelphia the week Simms had his spleen removed hastily. Numerous Eagle fans were quick to express their sheer delight in the fact that the Bucs lost their starting quarterback for the season. Still bitter about that NFC Championship loss fellas? Do you hate Carolina and St. Louis fans too? And what are your feelings on karma? Well we keep sticking it to the 215 whether it is knocking them out of the playoffs, kicking 62 yard game winning field goals, or just me gloating on this website. YOU started this Philly fans… remember that!

Lots of other players are out for the season lately whether it be Lamont Jordan (who cares?) or Clinton “Janky Spanky” Portis. This seems to create huge problems from a fantasy football perspective unless of course you have LaDanian Tomlinson on your team and you are likely in first place anyway. But from my standpoint this is the perfect time for the league opportunist to deftly pick up Justin Fargas up off of waivers and ride his 45 yards per game to a league title.

*Please note that last sentence was not, in fact, sound fantasy football advice but instead a contrived, deliberate attempt to mislead fellow coaches in my league. If you are not in a fantasy league with me, please disregard that last sentence and go about your business.

So the Bucs won. Bittersweet actually because each win puts us a little further away from the Lions and Cards for last place and I’m already thinking about April. Just a few short years ago, any rookie quarterback who stumbled into Raymond James would be feasted upon by the Bucs defense and Jason Campbell seemed to have a pretty easy time moving his team down the field. I think the announcers mentioned the fact that he has a “big arm” about 726 times during the telecast. I think Campbell looked great and it only questions why Gibbs stuck with Brunell for so long. But remember this is Gibbs we are talking about here and even if he has 41 assistant coaches, you can’t count on him anymore as a football genius. I was slightly inspired by the play of some of our young guys up front most notably Jon Bradley who went undrafted out of Arkansas State. Barret Rudd made a few nice plays as did rook Julian Jenkins. Our receivers still drop a lot of balls and we have a strange knack for turning the ball over in the red zone. Oh… and Cadillac got going when he touched the ball which was nice to see. Who knows? Next year with Simms and BKelly back plus a few defensive studs from the SEC and we might be competitive again? My fingers are crossed.

Three shutouts Sunday: Carolina vs. the Rams who seem to be tanking losing 5 straight. The Bears made Chad Pennington look like a MAC quarterback and shut down the Jets O. Mangini reportedly reacted to the loss by eating a meatball hoagie. At least the opposing coach shook his hand at midfield afterwards this time around. And the Pats went into Lambeau and blanked the Pack. Poor Aaron Rodgers… waits for his chance, gets it, then breaks his foot and is out for the year. Oh who am I kidding? I don’t feel sorry for Aaron Rodgers.

I do feel sorry for whoever was attempting to cover Lee Evans yesterday. 11 catches for 265 and two touches? Those are xbox numbers right there pal. What is more amazing, the fact that he had two 83 yard touchdown catches in the first quarter or that the Bills won without McGahee? JP Lossman is still the quarterback by the way.

Indy is no longer undefeated and I think everyone is glad about that… even the Colts. Truthfully, they are turning into this eras Buffalo Bills or Philadelphia Eagles. Great all season only to lose in the playoffs. Sure Dungy is a great guy and everything but in my eyes all those Peyton Manning commercials kill any good will I would wish on the Colts. With the injuries on the Giants and Eagles mounting and the way Tony Romo has been playing, the Cowboys should win that division. The Bucs play at Dallas on Thanksgiving day and I will proudly be watching Gradkowski throw interceptions in hi-def with a belly full of turkey.

ABC hyped the Michigan/OSU tilt as the game of the century and it was entertaining. Now we have the annual BCS arguments to suffer through and all the one loss teams that feel they have been disrespected by the all knowing super computer that determines the rankings. Since it sucks to have to listen to fans whine about why it is unfair their team won’t get a chance to play in Tempe, I have offered explanations for all of the teams contending who may or may not get in:

Florida: Don’t schedule 1AA teams for your non-conference schedule. Winning 62-0 is fun and everything but Deitz’s Lakeland Dreadnaughts could have beaten Western Carolina and probably not have to have paid them 425k for the privilege. Next year invite a Big East school to the swamp (USF maybe?) and see how you fare.

Michigan: You had a chance to beat Ohio State and you couldn’t get it done. You will have a hard time convincing me that you deserve another chance. Urban Meyer had this quote about the speculation that Michigan could face Ohio State in the championship game: “If that does happen, all the (university) presidents need to get together immediately and put together a playoff system,” he said. “I mean like now, January or whenever to get that done.” I am not convinced the Gators could beat Michigan much less the Buckeyes.

USC: In the driver’s seat right now but you have to beat Notre Dame and I am not certain you can do that. We will see on Saturday. The SEC and Big 10 both have 3 teams ranked in the BSC top 10. Cal is the only other team from the PAC 10 in the top 25. I feel like that is worth mentioning to anyone who feels USC winning the PAC10 is a big deal.

Notre Dame: That ass kicking Michigan gave you makes it hard to argue you should be there instead of the Wolverines. A win Saturday on the road will really help their chances however.

Well, that’s enough nonsense for this week. Thanks for reading the NFL wrapup. Go Bucs!

Oh… and readers eagerly anticipating Rhett’s first NFL wrapup post, he swears it is coming. Try to be patient.

Is there anyone else out there who thinks the only logical thing left is for Isiah to fight Bobby Knight for world peace…..

My money would be on Bobby, especially if he had Bruce Bowen in his corner….

Maybe those two misfits could be an undercard to the title match between Sheff & Steinbrenner in a Tampa IHOP parking lot….
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/story/469653p-395270c.html

Honestly, Sheffield has been stalking Tampa IHOPs trying to have a ‘word’ with the boss… how pathetic is that….and is it less pathetic than me now stalking Tampa area IHOPs trying to run into George…..

Feuds seemed to be the topic of the week, especially when Boston Bill Belicheck wouldn’t even acknowledge Jets coach Eric Mangini by name, which made it all sweeter when the JETS trucked the PATS in foxborough…

The highlight of the game was an absolutely awful throw that had you writhing in pain until Jericho Cotchery made one of the better catches of the season to haul in a TD and put the JETS up for good….then followed by Belicheck breezing past Mangini at midfeild in a complete drive by congratulations…

Nice rings, now go back to the BORAT set, they need you for a stunt….

You know its coming….

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS….

JETS
JETS
JETS 

Seymour’s post game quote indicating the PATS were ‘outcoached’ must have went over well with coach personality……

I am starting to grow nervous, the Colts have gotten to lucky, this is annoying me….if they go unbeaten and make Peyton a fixture in history - I may not be able to continue being an NFL fan…somebody please beat them.. 

Nice kick…..d!ck….. and Lindell is on my fantasy squad to boot…. yeah he’ll be fine indoors….

The Steelers got off the schneid as Fifty would say, but I honestly think that Yinzer nation is taking this in stride, I honestly expected them to be swallowing each others posicles and claiming ‘playoffs’ after a so so win against N’Awlins…

Reggie Handout’s TD run on the reverse was phenomenal…. I am not a fan of captian freebie, but that was some air he put under himself�

Just think how much air he can get when they strip him of the Heisman….

The best part of the Steelers win was Fast Willie’s soundbite after he had ONE GOOD GAME…Here is a quote from William:
“I kind of bulked up a little bit but I kept it a secret,” he said. “I needed that to take all the punishment. I knew there was a chance I’d be playing on the goal line and in short yardage and I know I wanted those challenges.”

Just imagine if he wasn’t so buff….he may suck…wait he already sucks.,…

Is anyone else thinking of the fat Chinese guy in the placements eating Eggs and saying “I Need to Bulk up”…. He puked later and odds are Willie will toss those words in a few weeks…

After the Steelers v. Browns game this weekend…if it ends in a tie, will there be a motorcycle skills competition between K2 & BR-7 to determine the outcome…

I am a soldier…. I will eat him alive….

The Eagles ended their losing streak and for the life of me, I have no idea whether that Buckhalter TD was in any way planned, but it was awesome… The victory would have been much more meaningful had Washington not looked so absolutely terrible… Brunell has been so bad that Santana Moss was a free agent in our fantasy league…  Here is to Jason Cambell… I hope he gets Joe Gibbs back in NASCAR next fall….
 

How easy did Huard and Garrard make it for their coaches to pull absolute 180s on them and bench them now so the ‘starters’ can get their jobs back…. Which is ludacris b/c if either one had not totally sucked they would be under center this week, and may still be….    Because you know Herm plays to “win the game’….

Here is my favorite story of the week, Tony Romo said Jess Lachey would be his dream date, so she had her people call his peeps and set it up…thank god for Vonage, T.Romes got his chance…  I find it especially humorous he wore the ‘mistletoe beltbuckle’ to set the tone for his new boo……

I think TO just copped a feel….

You think Romo has a shot….how jacked is Bledsoe, Brady gets three super bowl rings and now Romo gets something better……  is their a backup Q in the free world now not begging for their squad to sign Drew to a one year deal… at this rate he could get Aaron Brooks in the hall of fame….

What the hell is with the ‘jumpshot’ thing by all the Gints defenders….  I don’t mind the constant fadeaways after any tackle, but tell me what the hell it means…and by the way, nice job bringing them back Eli…oh wait you didn’t…nevermind…Lorenzen up in the bullpen yet?

This week I figured a Dan Marino tossback was in order to celebrate the Fish’s second win against the Chefs…
 

And in honor of the Bucs-Panthers tilt on MNF…the most famous jailbait ever makes a comeback…

TO

AND ALL IT TOOK WAS A COUPLE BUD SELECTS…gotta love NASCAR country

This has nothing to do with throwbacks, but there are some backs in here…

Rhett - the lingerie bowl girls will be back next week to cheer you up after the Steelers work your Browns….

Word is my man Tuohy stared at last week’s lingerie bowl pic for somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,487 hours….

OK, I am clearly an Idiot, and now I am done…. 

This wrapup was sponsored by http://www.lifechangingfitness.com/

- maybe if he had some clients he could afford a real website….